Well my eagerly awaited wedding is no longer happening. My fiancé and I decided that after 4 ½ years together, we both wanted different things in life. Although it’s more of a ‘when’ we wanted events to happen.
This was my first serious relationship. I wasn’t very big on the dating scene when I was in high school and even once I got out I had two or three small relationships that lasted less then three months. It was a bit devastating at first when we initially broke up. This was the man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with, the man who was going to father my children and who couldn’t stop talking about what it would be like when we retired and lived on a farm together.
It all happened on a Tuesday night, I had just gotten done cooking dinner for us and he dropped the big bomb. “I don’t want to be seeing anyone right now” was one of the things he told me. The other was “I’m not there for you”. Initially I thought that it was an easy cop out for him to tell me that’s why he didn’t want to be together, but I’m not going to argue with someone who has decided that they don’t want to be getting married to me anymore.
I ended up staying with my mom and dad for a few days, then on Thursday he texted me and said he couldn’t do this anymore and wanted to meet up and talk about getting together. We decided to give it another shot, as he claimed he was sorry and should have spoken to me about what was bothering him instead of letting it all build up. We were together for half a week when I was finally able to understand what I wanted from him if we were going to be spending the rest of our lives together. And after asking him to think on it and come up with his own ideas for what he wanted in life, the end result was a final breakup.
The second breakup was defiantly a lot less devastating as I figured when he was avoiding answering my questions about what I wanted and what he wanted out of life/our relationship that our relationship probably wasn’t going to work. In the end the ‘I’m not there for you’ was pretty close to why I wanted to break it off. We split in a relatively calm manner, with only a few things in both our names, mostly bills.
So now I’m on the market, not actively looking but enjoying wondering what if’s in my head. The major down side of all this is moving back in with my parents as I enjoyed living out on my own, but I think that I’ll take pleasure in not having to pay rent for a while before looking at a place of my own. If I can save up enough, it’d be cool to purchase a home instead of paying rent.
I can’t wait to see where my life takes me next!
And oh yeah, I’ll be going on a cruise (my first) in October with my sister, her boyfriend and their fun family, now that I can afford it. Yeay :)
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